Run #1426 - PPP-issoff!

November 17, 2008

Hare: Hyena
Where: Pete's Peanut Pub... but not for long!
Big Rock Guess who's jugs!
Attendance: 31

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OK, kids, today's quickie Hash Quiz is: The real reason the highly competent, super friendly, extremely personable waitress at Pete's Peanut Pub in West Hills was such a raging b-word was:

1. She forgot the old adage, first expounded by Confucius: Mixing Xanax, Quaaludes and Red Bull often leads to disastrous results.
    
2. She kept having flashbacks to her days as homecoming queen at Hitler High School in Berlin. After those halcyon years as head cheerleader for the Fighting Brown Shirts and lead soprano for the Sieg Heil Singers, life was all downhill.
    
3. Years of stepping on peanut shells just made her snap. Or maybe it was the 93-cent tip, which was way more than she deserved, from $45 worth of beer loot that sent her over the edge.
    
4. All the above, or possibly none of it.

Whatever the reason, Ms. Congeniality enjoyed throwing her weight around — giving the ever-patient Hardly a difficult time, making Gromit's head spin, and even throwing Duke of Hurl out of the bar for suggesting that he was getting sick of getting blamed for things that he had nothing to do with.

On the bright side, it looks as though the hash won't return to Peanutville — hey, it's the home of 70-cent bottled water and overpriced beer — by mutual consent, which is probably best for both sides.

It's also the neighbourhood watering hole for solo hare Hyena and the long-lost Full Throttle, although they should be fine. They may have to wear a scarlet Calgary HHH for the next few visits, though.

Nothing like taking one for the team.

Hashers gathered on a cool and sorta foggy night to follow a sometimes-icy-and-snowy Half a Trail set by Hyena, who declared the night the Hash Olymdicks, which involved dividing into teams and taking part in events that consisted of a lot of spinning around.

The best spinners, or maybe it was the fastest ones, or perhaps a group of Russian judges infiltrated the competition and just rigged it, won all sorts of cheap prizes — such as the Gland Rover emblem —and even beer.

Sadly, Limp Dick, or even Dick Pound, wasn't there.

Hyena suggested that hashers shouldn't do the last part of the trail, which was steep and icy. It was probably best, since many were dizzier than usual, thanks to the intense Olymdicks competition. So everyone headed back to the bar, where RA Bobbin' presided over festivities better than any IOC official ever could, or maybe not.

• For some unexplained reason, Beer Slayer was declared the winner of the Hash Olymdicks, which might have been the result of the Russian judges' decisions rather than reality.

  But Ms. Slayer won a Tim Hortons mug, or something like that. Her victory, tainted as though it may have been, continued her two-week celebration of all things Latvian.

  This week, it was the 90th anniversary of Latvian independence, which makes it 10 years older than Mickey Mouse, and she was even going to dinner with someone who claims to be the Latvian ambassador to somewhere. Who knew there was one, or that Latvia actually needed an ambassador?
   

• Shutter Slut was celebrating too, but his was for his new part-time job in the camera department at Future Shop, where his non-stop patter had better serve him well, since he's working on commission.
   
• A special shout-out goes to Booty Camp and Snowblower, who by far were the most impressive Hash Olymdickians. They spun, they twisted, they climbed, they found the wall with breathtaking precision and skill, even if they didn't get the gold.

  Maybe next time.

  
   

• On the other end of the athletic spectrum, there was Clueless, who ended up passing out in the car afterward after playing the whirling dervish role during competition.
   
• Hyena managed to earn two Hash Thingies for choosing the bar and for the waitress, and would have won a third, if Bobbin hadn't gotten tired of handing them out.
   
• Abby was a little delayed getting to the bar after she was forced to return home and get her ID before she was allowed inside. She was named Abby Neck It, which is some Welsh beer-related phrase that no one understands, although she'll probably end up being called Abby Naked, for a variety of reasons.
   
• Hash dog Luna went absolutely crazy when she saw Lay 'Em spinning on one of the Olymdick contraptions. It's a wonder Leapin' Luna didn't get wrapped up in the equipment, but she managed to avoid it somehow.
   
• The hash made the wise choice to leave PPP after business concluded, and some headed to a nearby Irish pub, where the beer was cold, the food was hot and no one, shock of shocks, got thrown out.

  Oh, and the waitress ended up with a really healthy tip.

On-On!

Duke of Hurl

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