Run #1328 - So that was the end of winter hashes...

March 19, 2007

Hares: Tiny Bubbles and Cock Tale
Where: 19th Hole Sports Pub, 20 Country Hills Landing NW
Big Rock: at Happy Hour prices!
Attendance: 29

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Well, none of that actually happened, but it was the Last Hash of Winter, First Hash of Almost Spring or the Winter Hash Closest to Next Winter's Hashes — or something like that.

Whatever it's called, co-hares Tiny Bubbles and Cock Tale managed to set a trail from a bar in far, far, far north Calgary — or, as a concession to Big Rubber, call it south Edmonton — that only three hashers were able to follow to the bitter end.

And quite a trail it was, past the Levitating Jesus School — where Dirty Dancer works, apparently so much so that he didn't attend the hash — through semi-upscale neighbourhoods where Biff, Sally and their 2.4 children walked their dogs in bliss and past Mt. Dirt Mound, which looked like a mini-version of the snow-capped Canadian Rockies.

Big Rubber swore he saw the lights of Edmonton in the distance, although it probably was only Airdrie. Mr. Rubber almost came unglued when he was following trail and didn't see any hashers behind him. So he turned around and started whining like a little girl, or words to that effect.

The smart hashers actually had headed back to the bar for the beer and other nonsense, which was presided over by RA Skewbic, who actually managed to find his way to the hash, albeit quite late. But the Horned One was on top of his game again, except for the eyesight thing, even as his mind wandered to an upcoming holiday across the Pond.

• Lamby got to keep the Hash Thingy after he lost it before the run while babbling incoherently about things that no one in their right minds wanted to hear. Hordes of hashers stuck their fingers in their ears and said "la, la, la" as Lamb Nuts droned on and on and on. In a slip of the tongue — or was it? — Skewbic made a reference to Lamb Shit. A re-naming, perhaps?
   
• Lovebirds Hardly and Twisty got a down-down for canoodling on trail. Mr. H claimed he was sick and couldn't run, which is why he walked hand in hand with his beloved. But everyone knew it was just the spring is in the air thing, or something along those lines.
   
• Poor Lovesick Luna was tied up outside, and she howled and cried and whined and barked — but Lay Em was too busy collecting hash cash to tend to her. It could mean six months of dog therapy bills, you never know.
   
• Thunder Tits became an unwitting victim when Lamb Nuts accused of her stealing the Hash Thingy. It wasn't her, but she got to drink anyway.
   
• Taking a page from the Never-Ending Lakey Farewell Tour, the Not-So-Evil Boll Weevil Squeevils made a return appearance after they were sent off to Victoria two weeks ago. Rumour has it that the hash can count on another six months of their attempts to wrangle free beer for their departure.
   
• After 17 months in Calgary, and eight months after he crossed the border as a landed immigrant-permanent resident, some hasher from America finally got Alberta license plates. Of course, the plates haven't exactly made it onto the hasher's car yet, but give it time.
   

• Despite his failing eyesight, Skewbic was able to stay focused on conducting hash business, even though he was leaving for England, aka The Land of Outrageous Hotel Prices, Food Prices and Everything Else Prices. Skewbic and the lovely Mucky planned on enjoying Britain's gorgeous, dry spring weather, as well as some ferris wheel and the island's delectable cuisine.

  It was unclear if Mucky's Full Moon hash name, the Queen of Mean, would bring her any royal treatment while visiting the Land of Chuck and Camilla.
   

So that was the end of winter hashes, at least according to the calendar, which probably means that more hashers will gather each Monday night at 7 for more mirth and merriment. One can only hope.

On On!
Duke of Hurl

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