Run #1321 - Trek to Toontown

January 29, 2007

Hares: Hyena
Where: Derby's Pub, 834 - 68 Street NE
Big Rock: The beer of choice!
Attendance: 23

As the lights of suburban Saskatoon twinkled in the distance, the hash returned to one of Dreary's old neighbourhoods in far, far, far NE Calgary after a 17-year absence.

How long ago was it?

Well, Chick Lick wasn't at the prior one because it was a school night and she had a Grade 4 science project due. Clueless hadn't yet discovered the Joy of Boys. D-Cup was playing the role of Hot Young BC Thing to the hilt. And there were unconfirmed rumours about Rubber Made and a stripper pole, although details remain lost in the murky past.

Actually, Ms. Made missed both hashes, then and now — the latest because she was mourning the passing of Hall of Fame Goalie With A Losing Career Record Gump Worsley and Beloved For Some Reason Barbaro the Horse, who truly couldn't read all the get-well cards bereaved fans were sending.

"Neither one of them wore a mask, and both were hung like a horse," Rubber Made said, as she wiped away tears. "Barbaro was kinda like My Friend Flicka, Black Beauty and Mr. Ed all rolled into one. Gump was only 5-feet-7. Maybe he could be Barbaro's jockey in the Great Horse Park in the Sky."

Back on Planet Earth, live solo hare Hyena laid a trail that ran around this hood and that hood and near Marlborough's community hall, and for a beer stop into a bar, where poor waitresses wore short black dresses and summer blouses EVEN THOUGH IT WAS LATE JANUARY. Then again, it might have been in another time zone. How far away was it?

New boot Jan swore she got lost and made a U-turn in Regina. The mayor of Redwood Meadows, the almost-lost Dastardly, said he left Sunday, and claimed it was almost half as far as his recent trip to Southeast Asia, which took place for some mysterious reason.

And on and on.

Everyone eventually returned to the Derby — horse overtones, anyone? — where they drank relatively cheap beer and enjoyed $4 steak sandwiches and fries while the Head Viking dispensed hash justice. For instance:

Randy Bastard got a down-down, not for his fourth consecutive 169th run, but because he apparently blew off the hash ski trip and instead consoled a crestfallen and lonely Knobby, who was bored while Left Bun was hanging out in Houston. To help ease the pain, they set a COGS trail a week in advance.
Dr. Fill and Twisty had to drink for some offence that involved technology — communicating through cell phones or iPods or pagers or Garmins or ESP or ESPN or something. Jan and D-Cup ended up with a couple down-downs apiece for various and sundry high crimes and misdemeanors, although, judging by the grins on their faces, they really didn't seem to mind all that much.
Long-time no-show Shag made a mysterious entrance and appearance, paying his hash cash and drinking beer and getting a down-down and all that. But it was unclear if the Shaggy One actually made it onto trail.
Hyena followed in Krusty's footprints and laid a live hare trail. He asked for an eight-minute head start at both the beginning and the beer stop, but got only four for the first one and probably about the same for the second. Hyena probably could have run faster if he didn't have that furry animal on his head.
Lumberjack got the Blue Light Special Bad Hash Thingy for not actually doing the trail, or some such nonsense, and Chick Lick got the Good Hash Thingy for her yeoman's (yeowoman's?) efforts in collecting hash cash.
Dreary became wistful when he passed his old house, just down 68th Street from the bar, but couldn't wrangle a free beer out of the experience — either from the current occupants or afterward at the bar. Is he slipping?
Perhaps there should have been a moment of silence for all those who went on Lay 'Em's Castle Mountain ski trip and beer-a-thon, but were too sore, tired and lazy to attend the hash. But there wasn't.

Oh, well.

On On!
Duke of Hurl

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