Run #1279 - Eighth Anal Fun Bun Run

May 1, 2006

Hares: Left Bun, Right Bun
Where: Laycock Park
Where: Koko's Bar
Big Rock: Served by bikini'd babes
Attendance: 35

After all, you drive past rusted-out RVs and assorted industrial whatnot on a rutted gravel road and park alongside the Deerfoot Trail Motor Speedway in the shadow of the Deerfoot Outlet Mall.

If you're bored or distracted, you can watch planes land and take off at Calgary International Airport. Or try and guess the number of meth labs in nearby apartment complexes.

Despite the setting, though, the bunny ears-wearing Left Bun and Right Bun greeted hashers on a blustery May Day evening with some down-home hospitality, including freshly (?) baked cinnamon buns of some sort.

Knobby was there, even though he admitted he probably needed to spend more time working on his phantom taxes, which were due as the clock struck midnight. Smirk and Mydol made it too, despite being die-hard Edmonchuk Oilers fans.

When the dreaded, hated Oilers beat the Red Wings to reach the next round of the playoffs, Smirk and Mydol openly admitted they wanted to be on Whyte Avenue in Edmonchuk, celebrating with the Oiler faithful. Ah, the dreams.

Whale Wanker showed up, hoping to rid himself of the Hash Thingy award. But his dreams were dashed when he angered Goddess Rubber Made and got to keep it for another week. His specific transgression was unclear, although his special education-level photographic ability might have had something to do with it.

Ms. Made so wanted to have her picture taken when she repeatedly demonstrated 'blow job lips' during the Alouette song, but Whale Wanker was lost in the ozone somewhere and didn't bothered to click the picture -- despite loud urging from other hashers to do so.

Even the long-lost Poohkey from Vancouver made a guest appearance, regaling the hash with song and bawdy stories of his adventures in Canada and the United States, ex-wives and business and things like that.

Poohkey even managed to arrange a free night's lodging at the home of newly returned from a Dominican Republic holiday, newlywed lovebirds Limp Dick and Billythong -- who complained ever so mildly about the cold and its effect on their bronzed god and goddess personas.

Rubber Made conducted business against the backdrop of the Red Wings and Oilers, who were doing their part to make the Battle of Alberta a reality. Unfortunately, the Flames failed to hold up their end of the bargain later in the evening -- at least for one night.

Twisty was hoping Calgary would beat the Dastardly Ducks of Anaheim on May Day -- don't those Ducks' fans realize they're cheering for water fowl, she asked -- simply because she didn't want to work Saddledome security for Game Seven on Wednesday. Even though that dream later died, she still brought the hash some classic poetry, in a manner of speaking: "Hooray, hooray, it's the first of May. Outdoor screwing begins today."

A number of hashers -- including Lakey, P'Tooey, Snevil, Wet One, Knobby, Duke of Hurl, and Skewbic and his Mickey Mouse watch -- were feeling the after-effects of the Calgary Police Half Hurricane the previous day.

Rubber Made vehemently denied that she left him bound and gagged in a closet. But she declined comment on interweb reports that her Other Half was actually keeping a hospital candlelight vigil in New Zealand for Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards, who somehow fell out of a tree in Fiji.

The always-understated and demure Wet One couldn't decide which was worse -- the rug that Stephen Harper apparently wears, or the fact that her idol, George W. Bush, is still calling the shots in the Big Country to the South.

"You heard he was going to bomb the Canary Islands to eradicate bird flu?" Wet One asked. "Well, next he's going to attack Turkey."

Wet One admitted, though, that the Bun Run trail's pithy sayings and counting requirements would have been a good one for Dubya to attend.

"It'd take him at least a week to find his way back to the finish," Wet One said, as a contented grin spread across her face.