Run #1275 - Mistakes Were Made

April 3, 2006

Hares: Hash Test Dummy, Auntie Frank
Where: Cha Cha's Pizza & Pub, 390 Northmount Dr NW
Big Rock: mmmm!
Attendance: 56

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Maybe it was the mild early-April evening, or the new Daylight Savings Time, or the fact that the run was actually north of the Bow River.

Whatever the reason, they came from everywhere -- north Calgary, south Calgary and points in between -- and nowhere, or at least off the radar -- aka Red Deer, Redwood Meadows and even Texas.

Yes, it was pretty much a standing-room-only crowd inside Cha Cha's bar on Northmount Drive NW as about 56 hashers gathered to cap off the April Fool's Day weekend with a 7K trail laid by Auntie Frank and Hash Test.

Not that April Fool's Day would have any significance to hashers, or serve as a national holiday of sorts. Right, Rubber Made? Rubber Made?

Ms. Made was too busy dishing out her brand of bawdy humour to ponder the question for too long. Or at all, for that matter. After all, there was business to conduct, hashers to insult and down-downs to administer. For instance:

• Whale Wanker, the noted dog hater and model for 1980s running shorts, ended up with a Hash Thingamajig for stopping traffic in the middle of McKnight Boulevard and then staring at drivers.

  Motorist Muffy Barker, who was driving her three children home from soccer practice in her 2006 minivan, said the sight of Whale Wanker in the middle of the busy road "was rather disconcerting and downright scary.

  "I saw this guy with a scruffy beard and hideously un-stylish running shorts, standing completely still in the middle of McKnight," Barker said. "I didn't think it was a vagrant. I heard they stayed downtown around Regis Plaza and the LRT.

  "But I just wanted him to move, so I kept honking my horn, and he finally did. I just hope my precious children aren't too traumatized."

• Speaking of un-stylish clothing, Dreary and his garish running tights weren't there, but Kebab managed to keep Dreary's sartorial legacy alive by wearing rainbow-colored or tie-dyed or something tights that could have come from the Dreary Collection.

  But to show there is a sliver of justice in the world, or at least in Canada, Kebab had to drink for her fashion faux pas.

• Sticky Lips had to do a down-down -- gee, there's a surprise -- for some offense that involved jugs, or touching jugs or admiring Rubber Made's jugs, or something like that. It appeared as though Sticky finished second to Ms. Made in the jugs department, but she seemed happy to drink for it anyway.
• Wet One didn't have to drink for her t-shirt, but should have. It was a New York City purchase from Smirk that included side-by-side pictures of the Presidents Bush with the caption "Dumb and Dumber".

  "The older Bush was so stupid he thought Bambi was a fish," Wet One said. "And Dubya, geez, he wanted to eradicate bird flu, so he invaded the Canary Islands."

• Billythong, who'd just passed her Canadian citizenship test, was highly upset that her spaghetti was missing its meat balls.

  "I wanted the balls, I really wanted the balls," said Billythong, who became insanely jealous when she found out another hasher's spaghetti contained two sets of balls.

  But, as a true newly minted Canadian, she didn't blame the Canadian government for the problem -- or Australia's, for that matter.

• Rubber Made confirmed earlier Calgary Sun reports that she was subpoenaed as a character witness for the $400-a-month crack ho who was with the $400,000-a-year stockbroker in his high-rise office after hours.

  "She was just an old school chum back in Saskatchewan," Rubber Made said. "But the Sun was so wrong to speculate about me somehow being involved in Ralph Klein getting stabbed in the back, figuratively, of course, or the awful fatal fire at the Tim Hortons in Toronto.

  "Sure, they both happened when I was mysteriously gone from the hash," Ms. Made said. "But Bobbin and I were at the Saskatchewan Sex and Bondage Extravaganza and Expo outside Saskatoon. No big deal."

On On!
Duke of Hurl

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