Run #1266 - Bum Fill Mountain

January 30, 2006

Hares: Bum Titty, Dr. Fil
Where: Darby Arms Pub, 380 Midpark Way SE
Big Rock: Honey Brown and Grasshopper
Attendance: 44

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As movies go, Bumfill Mountain probably won't make the cut at the Cannes or Sundance film festivals, nor will it make cash registers ring in the cut-throat world of Hollyweird.

The story of two humble but determined Canadian running and skiing cowboys, aka Bum Titty and Dr. Fill, just doesn't have the pizazz necessary to generate buzz on red carpets around the globe.

Which isn't to say their tale isn't without its merits.

Filming in the wilds of far south Calgary -- just a short gallop from Spruce Meadows, or was it Sheep River -- the co-directors showed it was possible to pull off a successful event far from the glittering lights of downtown Calgary.

The premiere attracted about 44 hashers to the Darby Arms bar along the Macleod Trail Road from Hell on a sorta-brisk-at-times late January night, much to the delight of the co-directors.

"We showed it can be done, and on a modest budget," said Dr. Fill, who lives about a kilometer from the bar. "Maybe some just came because they wanted to sample the steak sandwich, fries and a Big Rock for $7.95. Or because they got lost on their way to North Lethbridge.

"I'd like to think some were there because it was my 25th birthday, again, or maybe they just wanted some really awesome cake. Whatever the reason, it worked."

Bum Titty, who had to leave the previous day to make it from his far northwest Calgary home, agreed, saying: "We might only think life in Calgary stops at the LRT line on 7th Avenue. It doesn't. Quite honestly, I'd packed for a two-day trip. I just didn't know how far it was."

But the budding filmmakers -- Ang Lee, eat your heart out -- laid out a gripping tale and trail that kept the pack interested, and sometimes perplexed, as they wound their way through Sun Valley this and Sun something that and back to the bar.

Not unlike most good movies, it wasn't without its drama and sad parts.

Pyro, the grizzled veteran hasher who played a ranch hand in the film, fell on a sidewalk and seriously injured his collarbone after Mucky Dip repeatedly flashed him. Pyro gamely completed the trail, but then was whisked to the hospital by Mydol, while Mucky got the Hash Whatchamacallit for her actions.

Pyro's injury was diagnosed quickly by Dr. Hardly, who got his medical degree from the Doctor of Vending Machines program at the University of Phoenix on-line.

Mucky said she felt terrible about Pyro's injury, but heatedly denied that she'd flashed him.

"How'd I get this thing?" Mucky cried, holding the hash award and summoning her inner Meryl Streep.

Pyro's fall continued a new harrowing tradition started by Lay 'Em and followed the previous week by Duke of Hurl, who took clumsy to new depths by tumbling on the sidewalk at the last hash and falling three times on an ice-covered trail at a weekend 8K race.

"It'd be all right with me if that tradition stopped forever, right now," Lay 'Em said, as Duke nodded in painful agreement.

The injury bug even affected Boy Toy Bobbin, who missed the hash because of back pain suffered while skiing, according to his significant other and stand-up comedienne extraordinaire Rubber Made.

She took him a piece of cake to help ease the pain, although it was unclear if Rubber Made also laced the icing with Tylenol 3.

Bum Titty said he and Dr. Fill tried to make a family-oriented film that would play to a wider audience than, say, Brokeback Mountain or Dumba-- Mountain, which is the life story of George W. Bush and his ego.

"We wanted a movie that Stephen Harper and his trophy, er, wife, and their two little clones, I mean kids, could pop in the DVD while in Ottawa," Bum Titty said. "None of that stuff that was done in Brokeback Mountain."

Since it's not a big-budget production, Bumfill Mountain will have to rely on word of mouth to attract crowds to theatres.

It must have worked, at least for one night, because Left Bun mysteriously appeared at 10 p.m., three hours after the hash started and as things were winding down.

She claimed she was at a meeting nearby, and just dropped in. But Left Bun, ever the sales and marketing machine, did manage to sell three hash t-shirts in her brief stay.

"I'd love to help Dr. Fill and Bum Titty market the movie, for a healthy cut, of course," Left Bun said. "Disney and Pixar have nothing on me."

Negotiations between Left Bun and Bumfill Mountain Productions Inc. are expected to begin within a few days.

On On!
Duke of Hurl