Run #1262 - Krusty's Live Mystery Trail

January 1, 2006

Live Hare!: Krusty
Where: Friar's - Glenmore Landing, 1600 - 90th Avenue SW
Big Rock: Trad and 'Hopper
Attendance: 32

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While Krusty and his 4.1 percent body fat zoomed around Glenmore-area neighbourhoods setting his Live Mystery Trail, the pack was reduced to wandering as aimlessly as an unescorted Batman might after a night of heavy drinking.

Krusty's stealth trail prompted a myriad of questions, both during and after the hash. Among them:

• Was there a chalk shortage in Calgary? There were no media reports about it, but maybe The Herald, The Sun and TV stations just missed the story. What else could explain the paucity of marks on a January night?
   
• Did the Fast One simply not want to litter, somehow equating chalk marks with trashing the environment? You know, keep Calgary beautiful and all that?
   
• Or was he just running so fast that he didn't notice he wasn't stopping to leave marks on the long and winding, or maybe it was not-so-winding, road?

Whatever the reason, it meant that finding trail was often as slow and painful as Dick Clark counting down to New Year's on his own -- after his stroke. 10.................9............8 and so on.

And to think that Chick Lick was worried about getting lost in her neighbourhood, again -- and having to drink for it. She had plenty of company. It was so bad that the Running Room beginner group started and finished its workout while hashers still were searching for trail at the first intersection.

Perhaps Hardly, bless his enterprising soul, had the right idea -- whipping out a piece of chalk, marking his own trail and calling out on-on, followed and cheered enthusiastically by Wet One.

After wandering here and there, the pack eventually returned to Friar's, where the merriment began. It included:

• Batman, who was escorted on trail by Kawky, Swingin' Tail and Arlene, got a down-down for being an archive, which he said was his sinister plan from the beginning. They were all in equal footing as far as finding trail, even though only three of the four could see.
   
• Arlene, who was doing her second lifetime hash in two days, somehow again miraculously avoided getting named. There was underground sentiment for Blonde Leading the Blind, or BLB, but it never got off the ground. Maybe next time.
   
• New boot Liza, the American geologist, wowed the hash with her beer-drinking ability, downing her drink in .32 seconds. Turns out she was a rugby player at The College of William and Mary in Virginia, which goes a long way to explain her talent.

  Maybe it was the beer talking, but Liza claimed she wasn't scared off by Krusty's trail, and plans to return.
   

• Lumberjack and Skully drank as a toast for supplying the delicious hamburger soup and the remains of the beer keg at the New Year's Tacky Formal. Guess they had to clean out their house somehow after their New Year's Eve party.
   
• Oh, Rubber Made got a new penis, which appeared to make her happy. That's all that needs to be said about that.
   
• Twisty drank for wearing an R-word t-shirt from Winterstart on trail. Sadly, it'll be Twisty's last down-down for almost a month because her Saddledome security duties get in the way for the next three weeks.

  OK, Bryan Adams and Nickelback are almost understandable. But blowing off the hash for Hilary Duff? Hilary (Bleeping) Duff? Duty calls and all that, but geez.
   

• The hash choir sounded remarkably tight and professional (OK, not really), even though it included Smirk, who likes to hum along to songs and make up his own words. Smirk's lips were seen moving during many songs, although it was unclear if he was pulling an Ashlee Simpson-like lip synch. He'll never tell.
   
• Sticky Lips, who missed all the New Year's weekend festivities because she was living her other life as a ski bunny and instructor, got down-downed for wearing a camouflage jacket -- which prompted Rubber Made to say that Tacky Formal was Sunday. Sticky Lips claimed it was her ski instructor jacket, assuming, of course, she was skiing in the middle of the Iraqi desert during the war.

The hash concluded without any political speeches from Friar's upstairs office neighbour, Stephen Harper, who's trying to become the next Canadian prime minister.

Unconfirmed reports said Harper was still trying to find trail, which Krusty heatedly denied.

On On!
Duke of Hurl

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