Run #1261 - New Year's Tacky Formal

January 1, 2006

Hares: Whoreuerrr D' Kawquille, Snevil
Where: Le domicile des Snevil, 4227 - 15A St SW
Big Rock: Thanks for the keg Lumberjack!
Attendance: 44

Click here for Photos!

It was a fashion-horror show so frightening, it sent supermodel Kate Moss on another cocaine binge, Naomi Campbell into a major-league hissy fit and left Gianni Versace spinning in his grave.

Fashion faux pas were everywhere: Residents of high-dollar Garrison Woods shut their blinds, even before seeing Lumberjack wearing a robe with a totally disgusting wind sock sticking out of his nose.

A young girl on a playground swing sat in stunned silence as Full Throttle swung next to her while wearing a pink, see-through old ladies' housecoat.

Welcome to the New Year's Day Tacky Formal, where Queen Elizabeth fashion wannabes mixed with hobo chic and Kawky's seriously ugly fluorescent green turtleneck and dangling rubber chicken.

Even well-known, non-fashion plate Stevie Wonder, when he learned by telephone of the display, covered his eyes.

Oh, the horror -- but at least it lived up to its name, in spades. And on the bright side, Value Village announced that its sales increased 423 percent over last month.

Showing fashion that will never make the runways of Milan or Paris, 40-something hashers gathered on a mild Jan. 1 to display their sartorial sense and elegance -- and possibly to run off New Year's Eve hangovers -- on a trail laid by Kawky and Snevil.

Among the fashion no-nos:

• Left Bun wore hoop earrings that apparently were on loan from the Calgary Stampede, which uses them as a ring-toss game on the carnival midway. Left Bun was upset when Duke of Hurl tried to throw pretzels through the earrings, and when one hasher asked: "Can you pick up FM on them?"

  As the hash wound down, Left Bun also was debating how to handle the Inflatable Breasts Award, now that it's become the Deflated Breasts Award while in Lost in Space's possession.

• Rubber Made, Lakey and Open Throat displayed flowered dresses that only the Queen of England could love. Rubber Made topped off her outfit with a 1960s hat that looked as though it was stolen from Twiggy, who was some sort of prehistoric supermodel.

• My Little Pony wore a velour miniskirt that one hasher said "would have been hot in 1987."

• P'Tooey's suit, which was some putrid shade of brown, would have been perfect during the summer floods. The pants were either rather short, or once belonged to Knobby.

• Bobbin' Robin attempted to add to his outfit by picking up a parasol along the trail, which prompted the suggestion that Bobbin' should be Mary Bobbin' Poppins, at least for the day.

• While dressing for the hash, Jake the Slippery Snake discovered a business card in his jacket from a place where he worked eight years ago, according to a source close to Jake.

• Even the dogs weren't able to escape the fashion disasters:
  • Chase, her face smeared with lipstick from a kiss by her mom, Left Bun, bolted out a window in her SUV during hash business. A highly embarrassed Left Bun got the Deflated Breasts Award almost immediately. Chase refused to confirm if the hash fashion show prompted her escape attempt.
  • And Luna, the puppy owned by Lay 'Em, kinda forced a cat up a tree, then took great delight in running down the slide and jumping over dad, whose fashion could be charitably described as street bum chic.

• Hottie (what else is new?) treated Kawky's chicken as a pull toy and demonstrated how she did a bump and grind of sorts on a playground pole. Later, she nearly left Snevil's house with Xena, apparently confused by the Warrior Princess wearing a nose and glasses similar to Bum Titty.

• Aunty Frank, decked out as some sort of 1980s-vintage meterosexual, was supposed to run a separate trail with a couple other hashers for insulting Kawky's garb at Lumberjack's New Year's Eve party. Frank's trail ran south to Okotoks, which he claimed he tried to find "but Okotoks was closed."

• Arlene, a new boot wearing a gray, aluminum foil-like outfit supplied by Swingin' Tail, lost her white wedding veil three times on trail, but somehow avoided getting named. Maybe next time.

"Is this year ever going to end?"

On On!
Yves St. Laurent

Click here for Photos!