Run #1198 - Ode to the Police Half

Once upon a time a Half "M" word event was staged starting in Bowness. Heading east toward downtown before turning back, climbing to the top of the Montgomery / Varsity Acres hill, descending Home Road back into Bowness, the event returned passed the River Inn along Bowness Road. Sound familiar to anyone? Perhaps only a select few who actually ran the entire trail but I'll get back to that in a moment.

I hope everyone took advantage of their privilege to vote. There are probably places without democracy that can't Hash of their own freewill. I hate to be forced to Hash by an evil, tyrannical dictatorship. Conveniently the Hash erections took care of that last September.

Run # 1198 was circled up promptly at ten or so minutes passed the hour by our lusterless Hash Mattress Suck No Evil (Snevil to those who want her to think they're her friends). A smaller than average (who's to say what average is and does size really matter to anyone other than Rubber Made?) crowd gathered in the chill night air of the River Inn's back parking lot to hear the news of the day and hopefully get as much information about the evenings provincial election as possible.

In the circle a particularly homeless fashion statement was made by Golden Showers who appeared in a faux fleece lined faux suede full-length overcoat.

Snevil noticed the lack of hashers out this evening and encouraged the circle to snuggle for warmth. Little (not that size matters) did she realize that on any given night the pack would prefer to stand close and hump each other's legs rather than venturing out on a frigid run. After a brief uncomfortable moment where her regret was palpable, she asked for announcements.

Mydol startled everyone present with the breaking news that there'll be a Hash Christmas Party on December 10 at the Danish Canadian Club. What a shock! He really should give us more warning.

The assembled wad had barely recovered before being taken aback by the devastating news of a Hash Ski trip to Castle Mountain in February. Lay'em In Snow clearly wanted to test the constitutions of those present on a night when political issues were in the forefront.

In the absence of Tiny Bubbles we all rejoiced, but I digress. In the absence of Tiny Bubbles, Twisted Sister announced the next Full Moon Hash would be run this Friday, November 26 at 7:00pm from Bottlescrew Bill's.

There were no new boots or visitors but Chick Lick returned from being archived to Hash for the first time since her cousins, the Lickers, were appointed co-RA's. The assembled pack introduced themselves without injuring anyone.

The hares were introduced as Pyro and Party Pumper. They claimed their third co-hare, Snow Job was home sick when actually they'd silenced him due to his insistence on setting a trail of a comfortable distance and moderate terrain.

Thus we return to the introductory assertion that the trail was plagiarized from an old run map prepared for the Calgary Police Half "M" word. Not surprisingly none of the Hares would have a recent Half "M" word route map as they're all well past doing any of those ever again.

After what seemed like a fairly normal 45 minute run, the trail crossed Home Road and turned up the hill for another 20 minutes. Pyro commented on the evolution of check chickens into checkback chickens as nobody wanted to give up any ground if the true trail might be only a short distance from the checkback. Dropping back down from the top of Home Rd. the trail returned to where any hasher with half a brain had long ago shortcut back in. From there it was On In for another 5 minutes back to the bar.

It will break Rubber Made's heart to learn she missed anything that was long and hard with lots of moaning. Clearly the wrong night for her to stay home studying the Kama Sutra.

Back at the River Inn, beers were poured, wings were bought, then the gavel was pounded (is that what their calling it these days) by Sticky Lips to begin the nights proceedings.

The choir was selected to lead us in song while the unfortunates were being punished for this evenings misdeeds. P'Tooey, Mydol and Lay'em In Snow stepped up as if they had any choice.

Downdowns began with Chick Lick being singled out for returning form archival status.

The Hares, Pyro and Party Pumper were downed for a run that won't soon be forgotten. Except by Hardly who passed out in a gutter nose first somewhere below the top of the Montgomery hill. He and Sucks Everything were later downed for going down on trail.

Sucks Everything had a busy night. He and Lakey were downed for getting their scribblings in to the chief scribe and website on time. Sucks Everything had scribed the Grey Cup run on the day before and already had his write up in. Keeeeeriste man, get a life.

An alien abduction of the RA's award luggage during the weekend prevented Sucks Everything form getting his 50^th run award on the occasion of his 50^th run the day before at the Grey Cup run. Fortunately those bizarre little green men recognized the trash for what is was and returned it to the RA in time for SE to christen his glass beer mug tonight.

Jaws was downed for still being hungover from the Grey Cup run the day before. Just because you can follow in your father's footsteps doesn't mean you should.

Tiny Bubbles wasn't in the circle which brought cries of ecstasy from almost as many women as cry when he is there. But I digress. Tiny Bubbles wasn't in the circle but was at the On In afterward. He was downed for boasting about a recent bondage escapade by bragging about being tied up in a polling booth.

Smirk and Wet One presented the hash with the sickening sight of a threesome with Tiny Bubbles. I'm sure that fact that a paddle and a bare ass was involved comes as a surprise to no one. Somewhere in there, there was a downdown. Smirk had suggested to Sticky Lips during the Grey Cup run the day before that Wet One was absent because she was at home marking papers and baking where she belongs. No doubt Wet One has emasculated Smirk so many times over the years that he has nothing left to lose. Tiny Bubbles' rooting (poor choice of words) for a bare ass for the impending spanking got him a bare ass lap dance. Fortunately for everyone else, King Shit wasn't around with the digi-cam.

Hash Shit Master Kawky Whorer brought Pyro forward to potentially get the hash shit for being the chief hare on a run using dark chalk to mark on dark telephone poles on a dark night. As worthy a punishment as that may have been, Thunder Tits was able to get rid of her hash shit to Skewbic Hair and Mucky Dip. They'd left at home the hash shit they'd been previously assigned. Oddly, they chose to leave this one behind at the bar when they left. I'm sure that won't come back to haunt them.

That pretty much wrapped up the RA events for run # 1198.

Haberdashers Lakey and P'Tooey pitched their wares and told fantastic tales of beanies and fleece mitts to come.

Rumours continue to circulate about BC Lion's quarterback Dave Dickenson being sighted at the bar that night. Having lost the Grey Cup game the day before, he would probably be running away and drinking to excess. Sounds like hashing to me. For the record, I didn't see him but others swore they saw him when I was around. Strange.

On On!
Bobbin' Robin