Run #1180 - Incest is Best

August 8, 2004

Hares: Knobby and crew
Where: Paddy's Flats
Drink of Choice: Copious and I mean copious quantities of Big Rock Brew
Attendance: 38

Okay, let's get one thing straight. I did drink lots and I didn't take notes so this narrative, is likely to be a co-mingling of all of the various Hash runs that I attended at the Intersexual, Transsexual, Grope Sexual weekend. Did I get it right? Probably not. Anyway, back to the Saturday CH3 run.....

I'll admit it; I am way too high maintenance for camping so the Inspector and I had driven back into Calgary for the night. And boy was I glad as it was raining on Saturday morning when I dragged my Butt (you figure it out) outta bed. Somehow sleeping on the cold, hard, wet ground was even less appealing than surviving without a blow dryer so I was doubly glad that we had made the drive back into town.

Dressed for what I expected to be a damp adventure, we made a quick stop to replenish the beer supply before heading out on the 22X for a day of drinking, running, singing, eating and...did I mention drinking? Oh I see that I did. We arrived prior to the start of the run. Good thing too or I would have missed the entire assortment of weird behaviors before and during the run. I knew that all of this communing with nature would have an effect on Hashers but I had NO idea just how weird their behaviors would be.

The first sign that something was up was when I watched Hottie erecting her tent. By the looks of things she was definitely a virgin. Or at least where tents are concerned. Good thing that she had help or it could have taken her the rest of the day to get those poles firmly planted. Then again, she may have succeeded in spite of all of the help. Her mission accomplished I turned my attention to the group cookhouse. Or was it the grope cookhouse? Regardless, further investigation revealed that it contained an incredible quantity of abandoned clothes, blankets and shoes. Did hapless Hashers enter this dark domain only to be stripped down and sucked into another dimension? Possibly one without beer!!! Luckily I escaped the same fate as those before me as I was able to flee from its foreboding interior.

Instead of a welcoming ray of sunshine, none other than our very own Kawky Whoreurrrrrr greeted me. Had I not escaped falling into another dimension? A dimension where Kawky look alikes would drive their cars on gravel roads? As my brain screamed for release from the hell that made no sense, I remembered that what I faced was not an entity from another dimension, but the real Kawky. This was an official Hash run and, now that he was ahead of Smirk in the numbers game, he wasn't about to let a little gravel deter him.

Horns sounded and circle formed, Twisted Sister who's getting very good at being Hash Master while Smirk is away welcomed us to run # 1180. Usual stuff...boots, announcements and then the Hares. I had still not fully recovered from my cookhouse adventure so most of it went over my head. Let me tell you a good scare is like Metamucil for the brain. I digress.

Onto the run. I took Fred (my dog) with me on that run and it quickly became evident that we were going to have a love hate relationship throughout the run. At one point, I passed him off to the Inspector but their combined antics only managed to piss me off so I took control of the hapless hound for most of the run. Well at least until I needed to take my clothes off. Then the Inspector was ready to assist this damsel in distress once again.

On an aside, I've lost count of the number of times I've stripped on trail. You see I have this habit of over dressing. Part way through the trail I have to remove some layers and well, every time I do it, it becomes easier to do. Edmonton Trail was my first. I'll always fondly remember my first time.... the uncertainty, the thrill of possibly getting caught, the sweet feeling of success when I did't fall flat on my face with my shirt pulled over my head.....

Sorry for that momentary distraction.... Where was I??? Ah yes beside Mr. Butt handing him my dog, jacket, t-shirt and finally my thermal shirt. I put the t-shirt back on, tied my other apparel around my waist, grabbed my dog and ran off before my semi-nakedness could register on his brain. Didn't want to miss regroup you know.

Regroup was straight up a hill. Closest thing to a 90-degree angle a person can climb with out being able to dangle. At that point I was glad to have Fred even though he used me as a static strap all the way to the top. Once I reached the pinnacle I covered the short distance required before claiming a sweet can of Big Rock nectar. Alas our reprieve was short lived as a gamey warden was spotted approaching our group. Beer cans went into to pockets, others went behind trees and a few courageous cans tried to pretend they were just part of the natural landscape. All of our worry was for naught as his interest lay in the dogs we had accompanying us. Not beer but bestiality! Whew!!!

Back at the On In, Hardly announced our RA du jour would be none other then Left Bun. She assembled a choir that included none other than Inspector Butt. Unfortunately the man now believes he was picked for his vocal skills so he continues to serenade me with an assortment of Hash songs. He doesn't seem to get it that it is his ass that is good not his singing voice.

Alas I don't have a memory like Krusty or I would have been able to remember all of the Down Downs that followed the assembly of the choir. But then again he doesn't have my lingerie collection so I guess things even out in the end. So you will have to trust me we did drink beer, sing songs and have a great time.

After the Down Downs I ate steak, drank more, played shiggy croquet and took part in an assortment of other activities. Even did a re-enactment of my trail strip and a reverse of my re-enactment. Best part of the evening was watching Kawky watching Billy Thong give his car window a tongue job. Now that's detailing!