Run #1154 - Captain Pole "Ahab" Vault lights one up!

February 16, 2004

Hares: Skewbic Hare, Suck Her Prunes
Where: Friar's - Glenmore Landing , 1600 - 90th Avenue SW
Big Rock: $12.50/jug with every 5th jug free
Attendance: 53, a big bunch; lots more than I could count on me fingers and toes together.

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Anyhoo, after the usual circle shtick, it was getting on 8:00 pm and someone reminded Smirk we hadn't run yet. The hares were quickly brought forward and demonstrated usual chalk hash marks along with pink fagging. They pointed us in the direction of the Glenmore resevoir and we were off like a pack of dysfunctional turtles. Soon hashers could be spotted looking for trail along the entire eastern seabord except for Dreary who was running in the opposite direction towards Elbow Drive.

Finally a very long thin line formed along the eastern resevoir shoreline with Captain "Ahab" Vault and his cyclops light leading the way westward. He was making these wierd chipmunk burping noises that included nasty epithets hurled in the general direction of the scallywags who were running parallel to him but higher up on the road, however, we couldn't make out what he was saying. His less than literate soliloquy ended with something that sounded like "arrrrrrrrr!!", the kind of noise the fan on your car makes after someone sticks cardboard in it.

We made landfall again through the Heritage Park parking lot and then headed (who sed head?) into Eagle Ridge, where all the doctors, dentists, lawyers and successful stock manipulators dwell. It was while running through the finely manicured streets with Dr. Fill that we happened upon 2 street walkers. Turned out to be Beeper and TNT who were offering their honour. Being the true gentlemen that we are, we honoured their offer, and all night long it was honour and offer (on her and off....okey doke, sailed right over a few hairlines with that one). Moving right along we crossed over 14 Street and into Chinook Park at which point the pack went in 17 different directions. After much runnning I finally caught up with the walkers (much irony here) who were making their own trail southwards on the east side of 14th Street. Finally by the time I arrived at 90th Avenue I was back in with the Frops who materialized from places unknown. Back across 14 Street to the On In and time for Big Rock refreshment.

At the On In I learned of other miscellaneous Hash pot pourri which I shall faithfully recount now. Mydol apparently needs to upgrade his glasses prescription because he couldn't see any marks. Pool Boy and Bum Titty talked about giving up sex. You know, there is just so much I could do with a segue like that, but, I am much too refined to take advantage. I'll just hum a little tune to myslf instead, "Hashing men, they play one.....". Apparently, Party Pumper, Lost in Space and others lost their way and were guided out of the Chinook Park desert in something less than 40 minutes by Moses Pyro (number 1). Ms. Sticky Lips repeatedly claimed that "nothing happened!!!" when asked about her clandestine mangle a trois with Lost in Space and Tiny Boobles. I dunno, methinks the lady doth protest too much. Smirk had a coyote/beaver encounter on trail. He's not sure which it was so for the sake of him and Mydol, hopefully Lenscrafters has a sale on eyeglasses this week.

AND NOW THE DOWN DOWNS
UNT NOW VE DO DOWN DOWNS SHVEINHUNDT
MAINTENANT NOUS DOEZ LES DO DOWNS

Ms. Thunder Titttts was annoited RA for the evening and immediately selected Captain Ahab and wife, Hot Dawg, the near sighted Mydol and the spiked fruit punch bootlegger, S'n'evil as the lofty choir. Down downs followed thusly:

1. the hares, Skewbie and Suck Her for a well laid trail wherever it was....laid. Smirk couldn't hide his dissapointment that Mucky Dip wasn't co-haring and said he mightn't have cum had he known. And in case you're keeping tabs, hadn't he not, cum that is, your faithful scribe would have caught him, runwise that is. As it were, I had to be satisfied with remaining one run behind encore une fois. Merde!! (that's French for dang!)
    
2. Nice & Dirty for wearing a "R" word shirt. No, not "ribbit", you wankers! Tsk, tsk, tsk! That's for the RA, not N&D. 7 hash shits in the room and he doesn't get one for this heinous transgression. What is this world cumming to??? I just show up and get 3.
    
3. Sexual offense numero uno: Limp Dick (I know, seems like an oxymoron, doesn't it?) In any event, Meester Limpy was apparently bent over while trundling. For those of you unfamiliar with this term, please turn to page 57 of your "Kama Sutra for Dummies" manual for a pictorial explanation.
    
4. Pull It was called up to hand in her hash shit which was given to Knobby for seeing a "H" mark and yelling "checkback!". Perhaps Knobby, Smirk and Mydol can get the 3 way deal at Lenscrafters. Hashing men, they play 3.....
    
5. Sexual offense numero duo: Half Way Down, it seems, went all the way with persons and sheep unknown. I hear the sheep got a fancy set of leather knickers for her involvement
    
6. Archives, newboots and visitors. This included Pull It, Horse with no name, Beeper, Kathryn, Carol and Carolyn. The sheep from number 5 above would have been downed too, if she could have made it into the bar.
    
7. Next up was Shack Shock receiving her 250th run and no life award. King Shit served as backup swiller, but, Ms Shock did a commendable job guzzling down the head. It was also pointed out to me that she did it with pinky extended. Who says the Hash has no class? A passing note. Although Ms. Shock received her Hash watch award, bookmakers were giving 10 to 1 odds that she would still never arrive at a run before 7 pm.

AND NOW A WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR.............

A lot of you don't realize that not only does Big Rock beer taste good, its now good for you too! Recent scientific studies have shown that copious amounts of Honey Nut Brown or Trad kills cancer cells in white mice and has been directly linked to a lot of less than pulchritudinous mice managing to get dates. So what doesn't kill you, makes you harder, a rolling moss gathers no peat and que sera, sera as long as you quaff the ROCK!

and now back to our regularly scheduled program.....

8. Knobby handed the hash shit back to Hardly for Hardly's offense during the circle of suggesting that Ms. Shock had only accumulated 150 runs. Hardly claimed that it was all that hair covering Knobby's ears that made him think he had said "150" instead of "250", but, the crowd wasn't buying, so Hardly had to keep the plumbing prize.
    
9. Skewbie received a "Fall Cleanup" sign for falling on trail. With a little bit of added hardware, he mused that it would make a terrific trunk spoiler for the Skewbiesaab.
    
10. Tiny Bubbles related a story about Peon pouring water down Knobby's pants. That kind of stuff just makes flowers grow, not other...er....items of a personal nature.
     
11. Hottie related a story about Baby flashing on trail and Xena offering to hold the flashing.....er...item of a personal nature.
     
12. Dreary finally returned from running up and down Elbow Drive and was downed for doing a solitary run, miles away from the actual route...whereever that was.... actually.
     
13. And finally, Ms. T. Tittttttttts was honoured for her inaugural RA debut, a fine feat, fastidiously finished, funny and furry yet not ferociously foolish, flippant and foxy, with a foo-for-a finale.

'Twas then that Friar's handed out 2 gift certificates to the group which were, in short order, turned into more beer! Unfortunately, I could not stay, as I had to get to my moonlighting occupation as chief fruit police constable at Co-Op.

I remain your faithful scribe and cherry protecteur,

Monsieur Kawk! Kawk! Kawk! (dang hairballs!!) Kawky Whoreurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

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