Run #1132 - 1000 Dreary Runs

October 20, 2003

Hares: Dreary, Mum
Where: LRT parkade, Canyon Meadows Station
On-In: Moose's Pub, Elbow Dr. & Canyon Meadows Dr
Attendance: 59
Weather: Very nice. Ever notice that "nice" is a very nice word?
Route: West into Canyon Getto, north to Anderson Rd., south to a baseball diamond with beer, then east back to the start. Add in curves, twists, foliage and diabolical falsies; mix well, add beer as required and repeat as necessary until you cum (to the end, you warped wankers!)

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TRAIL TALES(and pieces thereof)

Dr. Phil is taking his name a little too literally and is dispensing relationship advice on trail. Ms. Test Dummy was inquiring whether it was too soon to introduce uneven parallel bars and an unorthodox dismount into her new relationship. Dr. Phil suggested that as long as the 7 dwarfs she was cavorting with were able to reach the bars, he could see no problem.

Party Pumper related overhearing Burning Bush complaining that her local sex shoppe was no longer offering multi functional vibrators in decorator colours thus limiting their use to only those rooms with appropriately matching wallpaper.

Tubbles was spied fishing in the beer cooler. He later claimed he was hoping to catch the elusive, Southern Alberta Big Rock catfish. Very tasty, but, does not fry especially well.

Shadow's flashing collar lights were apparently too entrancing for Skewbie who blindly followed them plus P'tooie through a checkback and onto the northern sides of Anderson Rd. while the rest of the pack headed south towards the regroup beer. Normally, Shadow's sniffer works better than that.

New boot Karie was spied wearing a set of earphones during the run and heard humming Shania tunes instead of calling out the more acceptable "on on". Tsk, tsk, tsk. I suspect she needs a stern disciplinarian with a leather whip, handcuffs, one of those muti functioned, battery operated thingees of Burning Bush's and ....oooops! heh, heh. I digress.

Not Too Deep was overheard telling Knobby to "put it in!". In a very un-boyscout fashion, Knobby claimed he couldn't find where to put it without a flashlight, which he didn't have with him.

And Trail Tripper was spied BRIEFly in the parking lot on the return trip, but, the Bawdy remarked to all the gawkers, "Move along, nothing to see here". I guess she would know.

THE DOWN DOWNS

Lakey, adorned by a most pithy hat, was the guest RA with On-In acting as her elf (on steroids) and supervised by grand poobah RA, Hardly.

1. P'tooie, Pole Vault and King Shit as the musically challenged choir.
   
2. The hares, Dreary and Mum
   
3. Baby was honoured for his 369th run by drinking out of a "C" sized, hollowed out, plastic boob. Untold amounts of karma there.
   
4. Wet Sack, the visitor from Admonchuck. Dastardly and Skin Head as the archived old farts and Karie and Shannon as the new boot babes.
   
5. Skewbie, for some regroup offense involving beer, body parts, and a dose of clap on his dickie doo.
   
6. Twisty and Hardly received the 400th run engraved lumber award which will rest in their favourite washroom until Stranger or P'tooie reclaim it.
   
7. Pool Boy Ron asked Mum for a short cut on the run. He might as well have just said, "Could someone pass along a helping of the hash shit, please?", and Xena, our wonderful warrior princess was only too happy to let the Pool Person have hers. The assembled crowd was so enthusiastic that Pool Boy get the adorned plumber's helper that even We Tone, long known for only chanting one hasher's name in the same sentence as the hash shit, even exclaimed "Pool Whoreurrrrrrr!!".
   
8. Other hash shits were seen being tossed about, 'fro and to, by Pole Vault, but, I didn't see if they were reawarded or merely righteously returned to the thrower.
   
9. Beaver Flats got a "Kawky" signature scotch 1/2 yard down down for her 200th run and a jacket.
   
10. Pole Vault & Baby were serenaded to the homo hashing men tune for doing some hanky panky business together in the bushes that was deemed an effront to the local shrubbery.
    
11. Mum received a cider 1/2 yard for her 300th run along with a giant apron, utensils and BBQ sauce. Tres kinky! (and I hope someone remembered to sterilize the utensils).
    
12. Ms. B. Bush and Ms. P. Pumper related a distressing tale about Hash Test and her snoozing paramour, the anti-Frank. Apparently, it is very gauche to retire before all the parties have arrived.
    
13. and finally, Dreary for his 1000 th run! He sucked back a special 1.25 litre vessel of beer in 35 seconds and was relieved from henceforth paying hash cash. He also received his very own, major milestone award, hash yard drinking vessel. For those of you doing the math, for the last 20 years, Dreary has attended over 88 % of all regular hash runs and this doesn't include all the full moons, cogs, Rocky, and international hashes he's attended either. Some serious no life business going on here! Congrats!!

And really finally, did they catch the greedy thief who ran off with the barrel of peanuts that was always found just inside Moose's front door? What up with that??

Your altogether totally kool and quizoomedscribbling scribe (as well as, of course, part time fruit police constable at Co-Op),

Monsieur K Whoreurrrrrrrrrrrr, esq.
( a certifiable member of the Kawkus Longwindus family)

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