44 dedicated hashers partook in run 749. The official (KingShit) temperature was a new Calgary hash record. 31 degrees, shattering the old record of 28 (was that the Nose Hill - Billy Mac run in Aug 94 where we got kicked out for too much nudity?). Once we got organized Visitors Hobo and Miss from the UK were introduced. They apparently have an offspring who hashes, perhaps you have heard of him, his name is P'tooey, what a coincidence, we have a P'tooey here too from the UK (what are the odds??). Speaking of odds a remarkable coincidence almost happened on this run. I was asked at last minute to scribe (no that is not the coincidence, I think somebody gets asked last minute almost every week (not true, it's every other week. ed). We have a hasher who has a milestone run coming up and didn't show up. Perhaps he wanted the limelight of the milestone run out at the 750 run instead. Mydol, where the hell were you? If Mydol had made the run it would have been his 200th run. The coincidence is that I scribed when Mydol soaked his shirt with the half yard when he did his 150th. I also scribed when Mydol soaked his shirt with his pewter mug when he did 100. I think the only way Mydol won't soak his shirt is if the RA's give him a half yard of Rum and Coke (whoa, can you imagine, Buuuuuuurrrrrp).
OK, back to the action. In the circle their was a great cheer as LapDog informed us this was his last time doing HashMaster duties, as he will be away until the next mismanagement is erected. A chorus of "1 more year" started up, causing LapDog to retort by taunting us with a likelihood of him mooning the circle. A ruckus ensued over by WetOne who was frantically feeling and groping the front of herself. No she hadn't lost her mind, she was trying to pull the hash camera from in between her tops(????!!!!!!!).
On the trail KingShit was seen running with a puny stick (the latest hash shit, what is this?, Hashshit #10??). It didn't look too impressive (neither did the hash shit). As I came running up to a check Bobbin Robin (Volunteer Hare) was frantically calling ARE YOU? to some hashers who had gone a direction that seemed to concern him a great deal. Do you think he was just trying to be considerate and subtly indicate that's the wrong way, or do you think he was scared they would pick up the trail on the other side? Never underestimate a hasher who appears to be looking out for your best interest. (Well... it could happen)
The lack of shiggy on a 31 degree run caused some (16U$ , Margarita, Beeper) to find their own shiggy in the disguise of a sprinkler. Rumour has it Margarita was performing an oral act on the offending sprinkler (I think she'll fit in).
You know how you never see Peter Parker and Spiderman at the same time, well did you notice you never see Value Villain and Marilyn Manson at the same time (Hmmm...).
Lost It escorted Keg back. They say they got lost. Hmmm... Keg was dead tired. This was his second run for the day, which brings up his number of runs he has done since the 24 hour relay to ...2.
16U$, Margarita and Beeper, when they weren't playing in the shiggy were doing a great job of baby proofing the run. [They had to or the babies would pass them.]
At the ON IN Clutch Bag had a soft and cuddly plush toy in her Clutched Bag. Unfortunately it was not a sheep, it was a dog. I am assuming it is Super Soaker's and not On In's. On In would be furious if she brought his special toy animal out to the hash. Does On In ever get furious? I don't think I have ever seen this guy mad. Would we notice?
Dreary was handing BatMan his bag and remarked how heavy it was. BatMan said he keeps his rock collection in it. That must come in handy when you want to get your rocks off, or rock somebody to sleep.
Super Soaker was making his way through the mingling crowd with his patented super soaker shuffle. He's almost as fast as On In now. LumberJack realized SS could use a helping hand and aided the future HashMaster by holding him so he could walk. Not that LJ hasn't performed this task on SS's father a few times over the years.
Down down's went to the Hares Bobbin Robin and Shack Shock, Great Job. Shack Shock the fashion marvel she is, was sporting a pair a boxer shorts displaying a plethora of cows. Udderly beautiful!!
The visitors who taught P'tooie everything he knows were downed. When we started the down, down, down, down portion of the song the ancestors held their beers and smiled blissfully at us. (WAKE UP...... NOW...... DRINK IT NOW).
Whereupon Lakey, always one for interesting paraphernalia, produced suckers (nothing to do with 4 Teats) for the impromptu choir of On In, Kawky, Pole Vault, Lapdog, KingShit & Whalewanker, who all offered the lamest excuses (or none!) for their absence at Red Deer. KingShit who doesn't like putting anything foreign in his mouth (unless it's somebody else's dinner) stuck his sucker to his forehead. He didn't even have to lick it first, it just stuck - go figure)
Pole Vault dipped his sucker into a few beer receptacles and pronounced the taste to be acceptable.
Twisted Sister was downed for wet shorts. Perhaps she was trying to educate Margarita on other sprinkler positions. The Sister twisted over to us while downing her reward and then dumped the rest at 16U$, aiming for her shorts. Cool.
Peek A Boo was downed for some interesting lacerations (OK, they were only scratches but lacerations sounds.. oh.. so much more graphic) on his ribs and side. Sounds like he could teach both Twisted and Margarita some new positions.
4 Teats was downed - was it for rabbitting or whining? - or trying to change her name in oh so many ways, but no dice, 4 TEATS she is, and 4 TEATS she stays -- and drank water. And drank it very ssllllooooowwwwwly. If 4 Teats is going to get any more down downs we need to come up with some additional chorus' to the song. Down downing is an act of skill, not endurance.
That's when I had to leave to get my baby-sitter home. The rest is a mystery to me. But hold it... I should be able to do this. I have been told I am Psychic.... or is that Psychotic?
LapDog was given the half yard to down for his 200 run. While concentrating on the task at hand Clutch Bag took the opportunity to display his wares (pulled his shorts down). As LapDog fumbled to pull his shorts back up to hide his shrinkage (we hope it's shrinkage, for the rest of us shrinkage only happens when it's cold) and still maintain the downing of the half yard. Pyro vocalized what the rest of us thought, A real hasher would not flinch when the shorts came down. Harriettes privileged to witness this eye-opener, mouth-dropper shorts-fall included Twisted Sister, Wet One, Sumpyton's better half, SQ, Margarita, Hot Dog, 16U$, & 4 Teats. Of course Clutchbag, being the perpetrator, received the full moon effect!! Later 16U$ commented to the soon-to-be-expatriated HashMaster, 'It must have been so embarrassing for you'. To which LapDog replied 'Yeah, I should have sucked my gut in'. (Huh!!!). Maybe he's thinking it's an optical illusion if his gut is smaller it makes other things look bigger. Makes you wonder.
ON ON White Balls
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