Hares: A-Bomb, Kawky Whoreurrrrr
Where: T.A. Vern's (beside Otto's)
Theme: A-Bomb's post St. Pat's Day
Attendance: 58
Monday, March 20, 1995 - Spring Equinox and nobody noticed! Instead we had a re-recycling of the tired old St. Paddy's Day theme of last week and of last Friday's full moon hash. Green, green, green, yawn. Our hares were attired in neon striped drapery material which they claimed to represent the rainbow leading to the leprechan's pot of gold. (Most likely fool's gold!) Actually it looked like all three had just returned from the nearby Bottle Depot. (At least it was some kind of fashion staement)
So off the hounds were in search of their pot of gold (On marks) -some with coloured rainbows, and shamrocks (Checks) -some looking like Olympic symbol rejects. Checkback symbols were the usual unimaginative type - the hares must have exhausted their imaginations. The route was a recycling of well-worn hash pathways in Mission, Lindsay park, Cliff Bungalow and Mount royal of the previous six months. I have three concise versions of the run:
A-Bomb (Our Hare who earbned the hashshit award for poor sweeping and then washed the floor with her down-down beer, Any Cockledoo (Our brilliant Hash Mattress), Bag Lady (co-RA and cultivator of bike butt), Batman (Did he get lucky with that lady at the bar?), Beaver Flats (Soon to pay to have her jaw broken), Blue balls, Boner, Carolyn (Our RAs need your help in getting this Harriette a respectable name), Clutch Bag (our FROPing co-hare), Cocky Horror (The co-hare most in need of basic art training), Cums Around (turning 50 with a bun at 22 weeks), Chockolick, Dolly (Saving for a car heater? The hash cash police want to talk to you!), Dream Whip (with curly tips?), Dreary (need I say more?), Einstein (wearing his Irish tartan hat), Golden Showers, (specialist in herbal remedies), Hard Ass (and it's real!), Hari Krishna (our favorite kleptomaniac ex-RA), Himless (Really?), Hopless (Batman's trainer), I Sream, Ice Bag, Humongous Hooter Hunter, King Shit (who is leqading the hash swat team to Hare Krishna's), Knobslinger (vainly seeking free down-downs), Krusty (who ruined his dinner trying to FROP), Lost It, Lap Dog (co-RA and collector of very sad stories), Lumberjact (and NO, he's not OK - too many hashers are stiffing the beer loot), Lump o' Shit (a truly Irish name!), Moonshine (who got re-mugged), Mudflap (the man with the sexy prosthesis), Mute (I see his name on TV all the time!), Mydol, Neon Stripper, Oh What a Feeling (Happily returned to us), On In, Oral B, Pee Shooter, Peek-a-boo, Private Stick (Report to Hash Cash Police), Perfesser, Pilsbury, Pyro, Road Kill (who is having difficulty bonding to his "new" name), Score, Smirk, Split Hare, Squat (in therapy as a result of seizure from spillage shock), Stanfields, Tender Tits (a real sub-scriber), Sun Kissed, Grinch, Thong Queue (RA in waiting), Tiny Bubbles (READING TEST FOR TB - Don't take this fucking hash sheet if you don't intend to read it!), Value Villain, Vibrator (who happily left Toronto in flames), Whale Wanker (most frequent bearer of the hashshit), Wild Balls. If any of these people are your friends, maybe you don't have any.
New Boot: Susan (clutching purse)
Visitor: Who the hell was that guy? B-nom, Be Gone or something from Malasia
From the corner of 1 St and 11 AvSW proceed south on 1 St (ignoring the graffitti); west on 12AvSW; across the park to13AvSW (avoiding the abandoned shopping carts); south on 2StSW (watching out for broken glass); east on 18AvSW (noting the Catholic Church) on the south side - Why? I don't know. Just note it okay!); south on 1St SW across the pedestrian bridge; the tent-like building before you is Lindsay Park Sports Centre (How can a building be a park? Ask the architect). Proceed south along the footpath bordering the Elbow River (avoiding the discarded bicycle frames lining the bank); west across a second pedestrian bridge over the river to 21AvSW (dodging the speeding bicycles); turn south on 2StSW (noting the recently renovated and soon to be closed massive Holy Cross Hospital - Thankes Ralph!); east on Holy Cross Lane (avoiding annoying the security guard stationed at the perimeter of the hospital addition building site); north on 5StSW (Cliff Bungalow an traffic); east on 22AvSW; north on 6StSW (past school and community centre); west on Royal Av; south on Hope St; west on Durham Av; north on 10StSW; west on Colborne Crescent; north on 10AStSW; west on 17AvSW; north on 11StSW; east on 15AvSW; north on 9StSW; east on 14AvSW; south on 6StSW (avoiding fellas wearing white pants who may be offered short-term emplyment opportunities from passing autos); east on 13AvSW; northeast across Memorial park to 12AvSW (collecting used condoms for recycling); and finally east to T.A. Vern's Pub on the 2nd floor at 207-12AvSW (total distance 7.3km).
On On!
Neon Stripper